Mackenzie Rollins | Weblog

cause I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won’t let me down
’cause I’m already standing on the ground

m: i enjoy running. there’s something about setting the pace, finding rhythm, and escaping life for a little while. sometimes, i’m serenaded by shuffling songs on my ipod. other times, its the pitter patter of soles and silence. silence always leads to engaged senses, which inevitable leads to conversations with jesus. i listen to each step as i tread varying surfaces. watch as color palettes shift and clouds morph. breathe deeply the fusion of smells, both pleasing and not-so, to the senses.

so much changes in a single step.

running in kobilja glava, our neighborhood in sarajevo, is an unrivaled experience in my running log. (no i don’t actually have one, or know what having one means, exactly) never before have war trenches been a part of my route. and i hadn’t been able, until now, to glance left and see remains of a building used for an entire city’s defense during war. but this is my route today.

i’m often flooded with emotion as i pass, wondering how to reconcile past events with life here now. part of me feels irreverent for freely running past, listening to a never-ending playlist on my oh-so-trendy ipod. or guilty knowing that i’ll never understand the pain experienced within the walls. but today, i didn’t feel those things. all i felt was peace.

“peaceful easy feeling” by the eagles played. the words seemed perfectly aligned with my steps.

the peace i felt wasn’t because life was perfect and i was so fit. and it wasn’t because of enjoying particularly well-padded running shoes, either (i think mine win the invisible padding award, if such a thing exists) the next line of the song gives reason for my peace. i know you won’t let me down, cause i’m already standing on the ground. no, its not specifically talking about jesus, but today, it was. he’s given me himself. that is my foundation. and although trusting him fully is routinely hard for me, i have never seen him steer me wrong.

i stopped and looked at the building for some time and thought to myself, why do i love this building so much? i realized its because it a picture of me. broken. full of holes and remnants of past mistakes. and while i share these qualities with the cement structure, i have experienced restoration it hasn’t. i’ve felt jesus’ love fill the holes inside me. i’ve seen him take the mistakes and help me pull lessons from past pain. and i’ve seen the same in the lives of so many friends and other believers. courtney. amy. mary. faith. derek. and the list goes on. its never a pretty process, or an easy one, but what a beautiful transformation to witness.

our god is not a god who says “walk with me, but get it right the first time.” he’s interested in the journey, full of triumphs and failures. this makes me confident in his ability to restore this place with his love, as he’s restoring me in this very moment. and as he will do tonight as i sleep and tomorrow and…

i have hope for restoration, for what he can accomplish in and through me, not because of me, but because of who he is. i have hope for what he can accomplish in and through you, because of who he is. cause he won’t let me (us) down.

wherever you find yourself today, trench or mountain top, i pray that you’ll walk as if you truly believe this promise. as if you trust the foundation he’s given you.

there’s more to come on this building. i am working on a video interview of its history with an expert here and will post soon.

goodbye for now, i love you.